Suck it MinimotoThe apocalypse has come. Life as we know it will never be the same. War, aliens, and plague sweep the nation, and no one has a solution. It’s OK, though, because you are a prepper. Your pockets are filled with everything you’ll need to get home. You’ve got maps, calling cards, an eyeglasses repair kit, and three throwing knives for protection. Maybe you have a gun. You’ll make it home without a hitch, where you’ll pass whatever time it takes in your provision-filled shelter. A well-developed community of blogging and writing preppers has given you all of the knowledge you needed to ensure that you and your family will weather this catastrophe. Survival Mom told you just about everything you needed to know. She made impending doom seem way less frightening. If anyone shacking up with you gets hurt, that’s alright, since you’ll have a survival medicine handbook nearby. For those who have cable and watched Doomsday Preppers, this introduction isn’t necessary. As America continues to mark its time with more tragedies than triumphs, the goal of preppers is sympathetic. The American Prepper Network says,  “We firmly believe that every American family should strive to become Self-Reliant, enabling them to better weather the day-to-day disasters, catastrophes and hardships that we all experience.” A quick survey of preppers suggests that many began prepping in response to sudden unemployment, one of the most common calamities of American life. The author of writes:

I am a prepper. Survivalist. Whatever you want to call me, it doesn’t matter. Five years ago, I had a good paying job, my wife and I got the “big” mortgage, the SUV, a nice big boat…… Then I lost my job. I struggled and struggled some more, sometimes working 3 jobs. I saved our house from foreclosure on the courthouse steps. But the way I see it, at worst, I’ll have saved my family a tremendous amount of money by paring things down to the bare essentials, stockpiling food, medical supplies, and emergency gear (and yes, that includes a few guns, and ammunition) at today’s prices versus tomorrow’s inflated prices. At best, I may have saved my family’s lives.

Fair enough. Though it might be rare to stockpile so many material goods, most try to maintain a rainy day fund just in case. Preppers are easy to dismiss. If disaster comes, I’d like to think that my government will be able to help. Of course, in most states a heavy rainstorm provides more problems than public resources can solve. Still, we should hold them accountable for at least being able to keep citizens afloat for a few days. The same prepper above seems to disagree:
It doesn’t hurt at all to be prepared for what life might throw your way. Think of how different the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina might have been if the people of New Orleans had prepared.

Sigh. As much as preppers speak about their community of fellow preppers, it doesn’t seem like any prepper expects to help anyone beyond their immediate families.

That might just be fine though. Once you’ve seen what the preppers plan to eat during the end times, you’ll probably lose your appetite for the next ten to fifteen years. The images above show the components of a recipe by Chef Tess, the prepper Martha Stewart, for Yankee Pot Roast Gravy and Butter-Garlic Mashed Potatoes. It’s solely for those who find the idea of life without meat so terrifying, they’d go as far as eating freeze dried ground beef. Add water and heat to it all and get: